Open Doors

Going in to the water: not a good life choice

I have two dogs. The Corgi (Lewis) is the in-control, self-confident, cocky little guy who makes good decisions and has never met a dog that was bigger than him.

The Beagle (Chaucer) is sweet, but quite insecure and out of his element living in the city.

When we're at home, I sometimes want the dogs inside and sometimes want them outside. Frequently, it doesn't matter and they can do whichever they prefer.

When the weather is good, I just leave the back door open to let the sun and air in.

Lewis likes that. He can monitor the situation inside and outside. He comes in and goes out as it suits his needs.


Chaucer, who is bold and brave when he's doing his job (hunting), is completely befuddled by the "door wide open" problem. Every time he passes the door, whether he is inside or out, he stops and cries. Why? Because every time he sees it, he's forced to make a decision. Does he enjoy the sun outside? Does he go in and have a nap? What does his owner want? What does his corgi brother think? Is he missing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity?

He just can't wrap his mind around the fact that an open door is just that. He can go through it. He can not. In the grand scheme of things, I love him either way and it doesn't matter.

As CS Lewis the author says, "You will serve God whether you want to or not. It matters to you whether you do it like Judas or like John."

Ownership

I read an article some months ago about allowing children to have autonomy over their bodies from a very young age. It sounds so basic when I say it like that, but the article talked about how forcing a child to touch/hug/kiss someone they didn't want to just reinforced that the child wasn't master of their body and left them easy prey to would-be molesters as well as harming their sense of identity.

I don't have a child, but I thought it was a great point. I didn't think much more about it until recently when I realized there was a corollary to that.

Just as a child should have authority over their body, so they shouldn't expect to have it over others. This obviously applies differently to parents vs everyone else in the world (tm), but children should not assume that someone wants to tough them/hold their hand/whatever.

It sounds like I'm over reacting until you try crossing out "children" and inserting something else.

Men should not assume that women want to be physically intimate with them.

>.<

It's the same concept. No human being should just assume that they can impose their body on another, whether they are 6 or 16 or 60.

I'm Doing This

I feel like I should get a medal for surviving the past two months. October was hell, always is. I was out of town every weekend and I don't think I made it to the grocery store all month. I barely had time to think, much less exercise or read a book.

And then I got this crazy whim on November 2 and decided to do NaNoWriMo. Now I've won it two years in a row. That also means I spent all of November cramming 2000 words of original work into my available spare time every single day. I finished a few days early, and I'm happy with what I got for a first draft.

But now that's over. It's December. FREEDOM!!!

Which is to say, I want to go forward and focus on living intentionally. I know I can't do absolutely everything I want to, but I can map out my lifestyle in a way that moves me closer to achieving goals. Here are the things I want to focus on:

Exercise/athletic:
Goal: I want to be strong and flexible. I want to feel good about making progress in this area.
1) I want to get back into the regular habit of running, 3-4 days a week. My dogs need the exercise and I need the fitness.
2) I want to improve my core strength through targeted exercises. Again, I can take a few minutes 3-4 days a week and do Pilates exercises.

Intellectual/creative:
Goal: I want to nurture a mind that is quick and inventive. I want to engage the people around me and challenge them to think.
1) I want to read a book a month. I love reading and have a beautiful library, so it's just a matter of making time.
2) I want to actually publish my writing. I have a fourth draft almost ready to go and I'm working hard on making a second draft out of my latest effort. I can't do everything all the time, so I want to spend an hour on this, 3-4 days a week.

Home/Cooking:
Goal: I want to maintain a clean home in which Brent and I are comfortable living and entertaining on our budget.
1) Take one day a week completely away from the barn to clean, do laundry, and make the house a home.
2) Explore new recipes in the kitchen. Brent thrives on variety and I do like cooking, so try to make one new  or expanded meal a week, whether that's a whole new recipe or means putting in the extra effort for side dishes and salads.

That's a start, at least. I'm trying to keep my goals manageable and see how things go for a couple of months. I'm excited for this phase of life and looking forward to seeing what I can accomplish.

Thinking Ahead

My dad is an entrepreneur whom I respect greatly. I've spent most of my life working for small businesses run by intelligent, motivated people. My stint in a larger corporation was interesting, but not exactly inspiring.

I've always said that as much as I respect the entrepreneur ethic and lifestyle, I didn't want to join them. It's too much work, too much commitment, too much responsibility. I said I'd rather just toe the corporate line and take my check home than be so consumed by my work.

Problem: I am my father's daughter. I am strong, independent, and highly motivated. I am energized by things that challenge me. I am frustrated by the limitations of the system that is already in place. I want to try and do better. Maybe I'll succeed. Maybe I'll fail. I won't know until I find out.

It's scary to stand at the edge and look into the void beyond the material safety of paid labor. It's also exciting. It's time to get the pieces in place to strike out on my own.

Come what may.